Sometimes terms like “positive discipline” and “peaceful parenting” can be interpreted in a way that confuses many parents, leaving them to believe that creating proper boundaries, rules and discipline is damaging to their child’s development. I am a very strong believer that every child needs boundaries and discipline in their life. In fact, according to the studies “Children whose parents are warm and responsive yet also set limits and have reasonable expectations for their children tend to have better outcomes than their peers whose parents show less warmth and responsiveness, have low expectations, or both”.

Maria Montessori believed that misbehavior originates in the child’s environment, his circumstances, and surroundings: …defects in character, disappear of themselves…One does not need to threaten or cajole, but only to ‘normalizing the conditions under which the child lives.” (Maria Montessori, Discovery of the Child)
In the Montessori environment, behavior management is done in the form of redirecting and gluing. You can read more about it in this article: Gluing and Redirecting Behavior in the Montessori Classroom.
“With careful observations, “earnest words”, spontaneous work, commitment to the Montessori philosophy and principles, the Montessori teacher is able to successfully redirect and refocus student behavior…Gluing is when the teacher keeps a child close to her before inviting the child to find an appropriate job. It gives the child time to refocus and observe others working in the Montessori classroom. It is a way to re-center and calms themselves so that they may work effectively in the classroom.”
I believe that the ability to manage behavior comes as a result of one’s beliefs and values. Children need to be taught ways to interact with others not only because it is a social norm, but because we want them to be successfully accepted in groups. First, children need to form a solid foundation for their character in order to be able to build strong connections with others. Along with providing children with tools to interact with their peers, it is very important to teach what is fair; what it looks and feels like to be kind; how it feels when someone is not being nice to you. etc.
I correct children every time I witness behavior opposite to kindness, passion, consideration. My facial expression, intonation, and body language show them how much it hurts me to see them being unfair or not kind.
Here are my golden rules when it comes to behavior management in the classroom and at home:
Scenario 1 When a child does something negative to their peer
- Never let behavior repeat the pattern. It means that undesired behavior has to be addressed every single time it occurs when it occurs.
- Give children your undivided attention
- Speak right there and then
- Never correct the child in front of other people, always take them aside
- Make eye contact and use a firm voice
- Say: “In Montessori (in our home) we do not hurt others”
- Ask the question: “How do you think you made Josh feel? – “Would you like someone to make you feel sad and hurt?” “What do you think you should do”.
- Ask the child to apologize if they are ready and find out if Josh needs a band-aid, water, or a cuddle.
- Remind that “We do to others as you would have them do to you”.

Scenario 2 When a child refuses to listen
- Ask them to sit next to you and calm down
- Empower the child by offering them a choice: “Make your choice: you may join us for the storytime after you clean your craft table or if you choose not to clean it – you may stay where you are, it is up to you.”
General practice
- Share your feelings and emotions when you see unjust behavior – let the child know how it makes you feel and why you feel that way.
- Create the set of rules book together by asking leading questions. Add photos of the child following every rule during the day. One book for each occasion: “Going outside” “Home rules” “Shopping” “Visiting Friends” etc. Revisit the book every time the rule needs to be addressed.
- Do role-play among parents (or teachers), and include the child in the role play.
- Storytelling followed by discussion is very powerful.
- Demonstrate respect and be fair to the children every single time.
- Acknowledge positive interactions and the right choices when you see them.
- Create a loving environment. It is contagious and the child learns easily to be fair, kind, compassionate, understanding, caring, protective, and selfless.
- Never shame a child for feeling their feelings and having certain emotions, but acknowledge them, empathize and help them to deal with their emotions in a constructive way: “I know that it makes you feel upset when I turn off the TV, but it is time to brush your teeth”.
I would love to hear what worked for you and your children!
Recommended resources

Discipline - Children's Books and Helpful Resources

Hands Are Not for Hitting (Board Book) (Best Behavior Series)
It’s never too soon for children to learn that violence is never okay, hands can do many good things, and everyone is capable of positive, loving actions.
In this bright, inviting, durable board book, simple words and full-color illustrations teach these important concepts in ways even very young children can understand.

Words Are Not for Hurting (Ages 4-7) (Best Behavior Series)
The older children get, the more words they know and can use—including hurtful words. This book teaches children that their words belong to them: They can think before they speak, then choose what to say and how to say it. It also explores positive ways to respond when others use unkind words and reinforces the importance of saying “I’m sorry.” Includes tips for parents and caregivers.

Feet Are Not for Kicking (Board Book) (Best Behavior Series)
"Look at those feet! Aren’t they sweet?” Yes—when they’re walking, standing, leaping and landing. And when they’re kicking balls or leaves. But not when they’re kicking people! In simple words and charming full-color illustrations, this book helps little ones learn to use their feet for fun, not in anger or frustration. It also includes tips for parents and caregivers on how to help toddlers be sweet with their feet.

Sharing Time (Toddler Tools®)
Sometimes it’s fun to share, and sometimes it’s hard. This book offers toddlers simple choices (take turns, use the toy together, wait for another time) to make sharing easier, and shows them where to turn for help when sharing is difficult. Little ones learn that sharing can mean double the fun—and sharing a while can make someone smile! Includes tips for parents and caregivers.

Listening Time (Toddler Tools®)
Put away the wiggles. Put away the giggles. Listening works better when your body’s calm and still."; When it’s time for young children to listen closely, this book sets the tone. They discover that it’s important to open their eyes and ears but to close their mouths (";zip it, lock it, put it in your pocket";) so good listening can begin. An award-winning author/illustrator team offers a fresh look at the times and transitions all toddlers face daily, giving young children the tools to handle routines with confidence and cooperation.

Calm-Down Time (Toddler Tools®)
Every parent, caregiver—and toddler—knows the misery that comes with meltdowns and temper tantrums. Through rhythmic text and warm illustrations, this gentle, reassuring book offers toddlers simple tools to release strong feelings, express them, and calm themselves down. Children learn to use their calm-down place—a quiet space where they can cry, ask for a hug, sing to themselves, be rocked in a grown-up’s arms, talk about feelings, and breathe: “One, two, three . . . I’m calm as can be. I’m taking care of me.” After a break, toddlers will feel like new—and adults will, too. Books include tips for parents and caregivers.

Punished by Rewards: The Trouble with Gold Stars, Incentive Plans, A's, Praise, and Other Bribes
The basic strategy we use for raising children, teaching students, and managing workers can be summarized in six words: Do this and you'll get that. We dangle goodies (from candy bars to sales commissions) in front of people in much the same way we train the family pet. Drawing on a wealth of psychological research, Alfie Kohn points the way to a more successful strategy based on working with people instead of doing things to them. "Do rewards motivate people?" asks Kohn. "Yes. They motivate people to get rewards." Seasoned with humor and familiar examples, Punished By Rewards presents an argument unsettling to hear but impossible to dismiss.

Peaceful Children. Peaceful World: The Challenge of Maria Montessori

Powerful Interactions: How to Connect with Children to Extend Their Learning, Second Edition
In early childhood settings, children and teachers interact all day long. The benefits are enormous when even some of those “everyday” interactions become intentional, purposeful, and culturally responsive―in other words, Powerful Interactions®! With these three steps, you can embed Powerful Interactions in your daily work with children from birth through age 8:
Step One: Be Present. Pause, tune in to yourself and the moment, and consider how you might need to adjust to create a “just-right” fit with a child.
Step Two: Connect. To foster trust and confidence, let that child know that you see her; are interested in what she is doing, saying, and thinking; and want to spend time with her..
Step Three: Extend Learning. Make use of your strong connection with the child to stretch her knowledge, skills, thinking, or language and vocabulary.
With updated content and research, new examples and insights, and questions to guide group study discussions, the new edition of this bestselling classic covers everything you need to understand what Powerful Interactions are, how to make them happen, and why they are so important in increasing children’s learning and your effectiveness as a teacher. Discover how Powerful Interactions―and you―make a difference!

The Power of Observation from Birth Through Eight

Effective Discipline the Montessori Way
Teachers and parents have backed off from discipline. They have been told to avoid consequences, avoid the word “no,” and not to put children in time-outs. It is no coincidence that when adults become unassertive, children often become rude, violent and disrespectful. Children need proper discipline and they aren’t getting it. Effective Discipline the Montessori Way, a book for educators and parents, explains why children are not getting the guidance and correction that they need. The book makes the case that the correct discipline practices are based on the educational principles advocated by Maria Montessori.

Montessori Discipline: The Method of Transmitting Love and Magic from Adult to Toddler. A Parenting Guide to Stop Yelling and Start Being More Cooperative with Children
Are you interested in the so-called Montessori discipline? If yes, then this is the right book for you!
This book is aimed at parents and caregivers of children between zero and six years of age, who wish to foster their children's intelligence, independence, and love of learning in the home environment.
Today's parents suffer from a severe shortage of free time. Work, family and household obligations, caring for children, commuting, medical check-ups - it is not uncommon to feel suffocated by responsibilities.
That is why, for many, the idea of adding early learning at home to this long list may seem like a utopia. However, as a working mother of two young children, I can attest that it is possible to achieve it, even if you don't have a university degree in early childhood education.

Montessori at Home Guide: Gentle Parenting Techniques to Help Your 2 to 6-Year-Old Learn Social Skills and Discipline
“Discipline is, therefore, primarily a learning experience” - Dr. Maria Montessori
In this final edition of the ‘Montessori at Home Guide’ series, Rachel Peachey addresses practical life skills that seem often forgotten; social skills and discipline. Learn how to gently guide your 2 to 6-year-old to develop basic social skills including ‘Introducing themselves’ and ‘How to Interrupt Politely’ to more complex skills like ‘Recognizing emotions in others’. This book also discusses gentle parenting approaches to discipline, how to handle conflict, and many more parenting techniques inspired by Maria Montessori. Rachel’s informative, yet simple, approach to these subjects, is easy to understand and ready for the busy parent who may not have time to dive deeper into the Montessori philosophy. Though a short guide, it’s packed with insight, leading to many “Aha!” moments that will be priceless for the early education of your little one.

The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
In this pioneering, practical book, Daniel J. Siegel, neuropsychiatrist and author of the bestselling Mindsight, and parenting expert Tina Payne Bryson offer a revolutionary approach to child rearing with twelve key strategies that foster healthy brain development, leading to calmer, happier children. The authors explain—and make accessible—the new science of how a child’s brain is wired and how it matures. The “upstairs brain,” which makes decisions and balances emotions, is under construction until the mid-twenties. And especially in young children, the right brain and its emotions tend to rule over the logic of the left brain. No wonder kids throw tantrums, fight, or sulk in silence. By applying these discoveries to everyday parenting, you can turn any outburst, argument, or fear into a chance to integrate your child’s brain and foster vital growth.

Positive Discipline in the Montessori Classroom
In 1981, Jane Nelsen wrote her first book, Positive Discipline. Since then she has authored many more on the same theme, from Positive Discipline for Toddlers to Positive Discipline for Adolescents. Many years ago Jane recognized the compatibility of Positive Discipline with the Montessori approach. Co-Authored with Montessorian Chip DeLorenzo, this latest title is pertinent for all levels of Montessori, and will be used in the workshops Jane and Chip give through the Positive Discipline training program. With emphasis on creating and maintaining respectful relationships, Positive Discipline is sure to provide support and guidance for Montessori teachers at every age level. Teachers will relate to the situations the authors describe and feel empowered by the authors' responses as they learn the techniques and skills they offer. A must-have for every teacher.


Positive Discipline Parenting Tools: The 49 Most Effective Methods to Stop Power Struggles, Build Communication, and Raise Empowered, Capable Kids
Enjoy a great reading experience when you buy the Kindle edition of this book. Learn more about Great on Kindle, available in select categories.
Do you wish there was a way to raise well-behaved children without punishment? Are you afraid the only alternative is being overly indulgent?
With Positive Discipline, an encouragement model based on both kindness and firmness, you don’t have to choose between these two extremes. Using these 49 Positive Discipline tools, honed and perfected after years of real-world research and feedback, you’ll be able to work with your children instead of against them. The goal isn’t perfection but providing you with the techniques you need to help your children develop the life and social skills you hope for them, such as respect for self and others, problem-solving ability, and self-regulation.

No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind
Highlighting the fascinating link between a child’s neurological development and the way a parent reacts to misbehavior, No-Drama Discipline provides an effective, compassionate road map for dealing with tantrums, tensions, and tears—without causing a scene.
Defining the true meaning of the “d” word (to instruct, not to shout or reprimand), the authors explain how to reach your child, redirect emotions, and turn a meltdown into an opportunity for growth. By doing so, the cycle of negative behavior (and punishment) is essentially brought to a halt, as problem solving becomes a win/win situation. Inside this sanity-saving guide you’ll discover

The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline (A Little Hearts Handbook)
Written by best-selling parenting and children's book author and mother of six, L.R.Knost, 'The Gentle Parent: Positive, Practical, Effective Discipline' provides parents with the tools they need to implement the Three C's of gentle discipline--Connection, Communication, and Cooperation--to create a peaceful home and a healthy parent/child relationship. Presented in bite-sized chapters perfect for busy parents and written in L.R.Knost's signature conversational style, 'The Gentle Parent' is packed with practical suggestions and real-life examples to help parents through the normal ups and downs of gentle discipline on the road to raising a generation of world changers.
Articles
- Montessori Answers has a great article: Misconception: Montessori teachers don’t believe in discipline
- Lisa Nolan Montessori has a wide range of practical advice for parents, click here to read her behavior management posts.
- Trillium Montessori in her post “How to start a new class” provides an in-depth overview of various issues encountered in the classroom at the beginning of a new year.
Great post! I love learning about Montessori ways of discipline.
thank you very much for your kind words!
I really like how “gluing” can help the child refocus on their education. My son has ADHD and I’ve been thinking about how he needs something to help keep his attention on his school work. Thank you so much for the Montessori tips!
You are very welcome and thank you for visiting, Jack!
Your article gives me another approach on this topic. I hope to read more articles from you
Hi, I’m a behavior consultant working with a chIld in a Montessori school for the first time. Is time out a common Montessori practice? This school seems to use it a lot with my client for minor infractions. Is time out a Montessori practice? I’m personally not a big fan because it misses a teaching opportunity & the child may not even know why he’s in time out. Thanks